<  Condo Divas Stories

CONDO DIVAS - THE SEQUEL: "You won't believe this, but..."

I'd love to hear your stories about condo-related Situations or Characters, but please don't use NAMES of anyone involved. You can use unit numbers if necessary to describe what happened. If you prefer, you can call me at 206-453-5800 to tell your story - I'll take notes. Thanks!

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Read stories submitted by others:

An early resident of my new condo building volunteered for the first board and advocated for low dues which we all thought was a good idea because most of us were all holding our first mortgage. There was some talk that we could “raise dues in a couple of years after everyone moves in.” The board member served well, but pushed yearly for low or no dues increase because he secretly planned to stay only a few years before moving again. Upon moving out, he admitted to me privately that he had used the same strategy at his last condo – moving into a new building, serving on the board and pushing to keep dues low until he moved, thereby escaping his fair share of the financial burden two condos in a row. I was shocked but said nothing.



I served on the board for many years, and we had chronically low reserves. It was partly due to our slow start and largely due to the fact that most board members would refuse to acknowledge that unexpected expenses come up and a certain amount of money should be collected and set aside for those expenses. For years, we debated loans, passed unpopular special assessments and higher dues – slowly making progress in building our bank accounts.



Each time we made progress in building our reserves, it seemed a large and unexpected repair would arise – another area of our defective siding would fail, improper construction meant water was seeping under the building which resulted in mold infesting the 1st floor unit’s interior walls. We fixed the mold, but it came back because the contractors had installed the flashing (a water proof lining that goes under the siding) backwards and water was actually being funneled toward the walls, instead of AWAY from them. We had to replace the moldy walls again. We also paid for a special exterior coating for our defective siding, wondering all the while if the money would have been better used waiting in the bank to help pay for the new siding we’d certainly have to get soon.



A decade later, after doing the building’s gardening ourselves, higher dues and special assessments, the condo’s bank account was finally in a good place. Around this time, we needed to muddle through the case of a resident who had damaged the building’s garage door when it closed on her car. She had told one board member that she had not pressed her garage door opener, but had “piggybacked” behind the car entering before her. I piped up that I sure thought it was her fault and she should pay the $800 bill. The board agreed.



The next meeting we got a letter from the driver who had damaged the garage door protesting our decision. She stated that since she always piggybacks on the car in front of her, and has never had any problem, the garage door must have malfunctioned. So, she shouldn’t have to pay the bill, especially since “we have so much money in the bank.” We voted again to make her pay.
-Eastlake Diva

I managed a huge condo coversion with underground parking. Opening day, three renters came in to choose their parking spaces. Would you believe all three selected parking space #7? One traveled a lot and had baggage, another had a new Mercedes he didn't want dinged, and the third - who got the spot - was an elderly man in a wheelchair.
-Deb

My personal favorite. Late in the evening, my wife and I heard a woman scream. We went out side to find another concerned neighbor in the parking lot trying to figure out what was going on herself. Two more screams prompted me to call 911. When the police arrived, they too were able to hear the woman scream and we all agreed that something was significantly wrong. We were able to narrow down the source of the yells to three units, and the police began knocking on doors at 12:30 in the morning. The third door was the one, the occupants were involved in fits of passion and told two very embarrassed police officers that they would try and keep it down.
-Ben

Our neighbor and her boyfreind were loud in their amoruous night "adventures" in the summer night with the windows open. In talking to another neighbor we said,"Was it good for you?" to each other. Not really.
-Sallie Sylliaasen

I watch this guy walk his dog and they stop at the same bushes all the time. The guy reaches into the bush and pulls out one of those little bottles of booze, takes a swig, and puts it back inside the bush. Come to find out, his wife's giving him a bad time about drinking too much.
-Harry

To all the people I met at WSCAI, I can't wait to hear your stories - just remember, no names please. Thank you!
-Diane Kinman

Nothing compares with the experience of living in a condominium community with a diva or two.  They scheme, sneak, and sidestep rules as they go about solving — and creating — major issues of pets, parking, and people with their own skewed logic. 

• What it’s all about:  Creative non-fiction about community politics of four women, condo rule-making and breaking, dogs, and the author who lives among it all and hopes her neighbors will not identify themselves in the characters in this book.    A fun read!
• Those who will identify:  condo dwellers and members of homeowners associations, empty nesters downsizing to condos, first-time condo owners, real estate investors, and anyone who enjoys Desperate Housewives.

ISBN 978-0-9763929-3-4

Disclaimer:  No sticks or stones are being used to build Full Moon Landing Condominiums; it is rising entirely from my computer keyboard to be populated with some determined divas, a few eccentric individuals, and a dog or two.  No one in this book is based on any one person – each is a fictionalized composite, hybrid, and exaggeration of someone I’ve known in the half-dozen communities I’ve lived in.  The situations are based on true events that have been embellished for the purpose of your entertainment.